Posts filed under: ‘Daily Update‘
Eulogy to Mom and Sister
PHILIP: After three hours of sleep during the last 48 hours, as I drove home I heard the following prince song on the radio and was inspired to begin this eulogy – Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to celebrate the life of my mother Helene Whitman. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m son #2, Philip and this is sibling #5, the baby Caryn.
I have a confession to make today, most of you would never know it but today I’m proud to tell you I am a momma’s boy. Let me say that again, I am a momma’s boy.
Ok, so what exactly does that mean?
Well, when I was younger given the choice to play a game of kill the guy with ball with my friends or go shopping with my mom, you got it, I went shopping. Not only did I go shopping, I went to garage sales, yard sales, estate sales and auctions. Mom and I were treasure-hunting, bargain-searching buddies. To this day, my wife Mia knows this, and taunts me as we drive past garage sales. She knows that I’m quickly scanning the table tops and would more than welcome a stop.
CARYN: For those of you who don’t know it, mom was a collector. Mom’s collections include planters, crystal animals, dolls, teddy bears, lithographs, anything American Indian and cookie jars to name a few. Mom has so many cookie jars that she has a whole room in the house to display her wares.
PHILIP: Being that mom and I enjoyed building her collections so much, one day I asked her that years from now when her time would come, if she would like us to give other’s the joy of scavenging her collections at a grand estate sale. To my shock and dismay, mom became somewhat disturbed, upset and maybe even angry, definitely agitated and you know what she told me? She said, these are my lifelong collections for you, your brothers and sisters to enjoy. And that’s exactly what we are going to do.
CARYN: As we rallied in support of mom in her last days and after she passed, there was much opportunity to rekindle our memories of yesteryear.
A family classic favorite involving my brother David was how Mom would chase him around the dining room table – David was too fast for mom but she outsmarted him by pushing the table and pinning him up against the credenza. He is still running. Our resident Iron Man! David will be running the 2009 Lake Placid Iron Man Triathalon, his 4th appearance, in memory of mom and to raise money for the Helene Whitman Memorial Cancer Fund.
PHILIP: Poor Kenny, Grandma Gertrude and mom always promised him that when he grew up he would be the tallest of the whitman boys, never to bullied again. Boy were they wrong! My brother David and I made fun of him, called him names and were notoriously mean to our baby brother. But my mom always fought for the underdog and tried to make Kenny feel great. Despite the fact that Ken turned out to be the shortest, he uses this story in his self deprecating standup comedy routines.
CARYN: Mom was both my and Lisa’s biggest fan. Chauffeuring me from musicals to dance recitals, to voice lessons and auditions in NYC, mom stepped into the role of managing agent of Lisa and I as she recalled her days, not only as leading lady in Barefoot in the Park, but a hot box girl in Guys n Dolls and Tevia’s daughter in Fiddler on the Roof. Mom loved music, theater and watching movies with dad and the family. She spent many hours during her last few months with us watching and critiquing the latest dvd releases of which reviews can be found on her blog.
Our mother was our friend. We could talk to her about anything. She always said the right things. She gave us each the confidence to make good choices and helped each of us set aside all our fears. Not only was mom Lisa and my best friend, but she quickly became my best friends’ surrogate mother. Mom would come into our bedroom while we were primping for a night out. We could always share our secrets with her and she would kiss me and my friends goodbye and wish us good luck with the boys. And then she would wait up until all hours of the night (sometimes on the driveway with a flashlight) for us to come home and give her a blow by blow recap of the evenings events. She took the opportunity to relive her life as a teenager at the age 52 and all my friends loved her as much as Lisa and I do.
PHILIP: Mom was a diplomat. It didn’t matter what you did for a living or where you lived, Mom shared her stories and her life experiences with everyone and befriended everyone she met everywhere from the gardener to the sales lady at Annie Sez to the garbage man. Speaking of the gardener, My wife Mia got her first job as a floral designer at the encouragement of mom. Mia was inspired by seeing mom working in her beautiful perennial gardens, which she tended with affection. Mom had a way of helping each of us to seek out our strengths.
And we can’t skip over mom’s cooking. This most recent Passover, mom was unable to prepare for the holiday the way she had for the last 30+ years. Mia and Bonnie, David’s girlfriend, took the lead. After preparing for 24 guests Mia said to me, “It’s amazing how mom always made it seem so easy preparing for the holidays.” When in fact it was a major undertaking.
Mom always had a sixth sense, like Glinda the good witch. This past Saturday, despite it being Shabbat, with Caryn & Edwin’s urging, we all placed bets on the Kentucky Derby. Mom was too weak to speak loudly so I sat close by her bedside and read the names of the horses. In spite of feeling truly lousy and being very ill, she urged me to read her the odds. As soon as I got to Eight Belles and Big Brown, she nodded her head and said in a whisper put $50 down for an exacta box. Caryn and Dad, being conservatives CPA’s urged mom to diversify her bet. So the $50 went down to $10. Mom won in excess of $700 for second year in a row. The winning ticket is still in dad’s wallet and the proceeds will kick off the Helene Whitman Memorial Cancer Fund. Boy, She sure had a way of picking winners.
CARYN: Speaking of winners, she couldn’t have picked a better stud than our father. His loving devotion, not only over the last year of her illness, but her entire life with dad, 53 years, should be an example to each and every one of us here. Mom was dad’s rare jewel and he speaks of her with such tenderness and passion. He cherished every moment he spent with her, even during the toughest of times. Growing up, dad and mom showed what it is to love unconditionally and to share ones life with another fully and completely. Much to my dismay, mom never wanted to come shopping or see a play with me in the city because she didn’t want to leave dad’s side even for a few hours. I always tell Edwin, my fiancé, that my dream is for him to love me the way daddy loves his Mommalah, Sibella, Buhbie, Helenekelah, Mommakubbah, all affectionate pet names dad had for mom.
PHILIP: Mom was active in many organizations including a life member of Hadassah, the National Council of Jewish Women, the Sisterhood of Congregation Bnai Israel, and the Shore Area Walk for Israel and for many years she gave of her selflessly spending two to three months of the year serving as the chair of the Judaica Showcase Book Fair. She attended the grand opening of the Magen David Adom Blood Center in Ramat Gan, Israel as an invited guest.
In addition She was a member of temple beth ahm for 14 years and congregation bnai Israel for 31 years. She was proud of her kosher home and enjoyed Friday night candle lighting.
CARYN: In addition to her never ending love and care of her 5 children and husband, she lovingly cared for her 3 large burnese mountain dogs, Julie, Samson and Sheba and her cat Mittens, who mom lovingly rescued from taunting children in the parking lot of Freehold High School. Everything she touched she made Beautiful. She was a Best Friend and confidant to all who got close to her. She always handled herself with the utmost grace and class. She was fun, compassionate but above all she was truly selfless. She showed her compassion for the people who cared for her and changed her day and night by refusing to bother them in her times of need. She was selfless when she apologized for taking us all away from our families and also apologized for not being good company when we visited her on particularly tough days at the hospital. She never had an enemy and was so special to everyone who knew her.
PHILIP: She not only demonstrated all these wonderful qualities in the way that she lived her life, but also in the way that she chose to leave us. Even on her death bed, she brought us closer together as a family. We opened up in new and different ways sharing our feelings, thoughts and philosophies.
She was a mortal angel and now she will be one of gods angels. She was the epitome of what a mother should be. For us May 7th will always be mother’s day. We love you mom.
From Uncle Cliff to Mom
Growing up with Helene I learned so much
My first baths – based on recently discovered evidence – when I could still be shaken dry! – you were there to help in every little way! ahmm
The first person I ever bathed with – it stopped way too early – mom and dad were so “FIFTIES.”
You taught me to ride my Hopalong Cassidy 2 wheel bike – 1950 was so long ago – but some things you really never do forget
My first realization that scratching another’s back for hours on end was pleasurable – “giving” is really as good as “getting” – I wasn’t your slave – you were mine.
I remember the vivid lessons that it was okay to stand up to mom and dad when they were unfair – although you did often have hell to pay. “Better you than me” was my motto.
You calmly explained that 33 rpm records sounded awful when I repeatedly dropped the needle from 6 inches – (records – for those who may not know = are like big DVDs for music with grooves)
But scratched records didn’t drive you away from me – I paid with more back scratching
Helene, you taught me the beauty that was all around us – not nature so much – but of things like a chicken parmiagana hero when you took your little brother to work at the Morton Salt company in lower Manhattan– way before the practice of annual work outings became popular– you were so progressive in 1958.
I remember when it was your beauty that made me so very proud (and also popular) = you placed first in Tamiment Hotel’s beauty pageant – I had the photos to prove it! A striking bathing suit blond – come to think of it, our house became a prized destination for sleep-overs after I began to carry your picture with me to school.
And even Roland Silverberg – your new employer and my Dentist -not coincidently – said that you were the best assistant he’d ever had. Dr. Silverberg had been married 3 times before and was shopping for number 4 – you knew that. Helene, you know you could have been his trophy!
I really did learn a lot growing up with you. – that brothers can be as nice as sisters – well almost – when Joel started spending so much time around the house – a new sleep-over buddy. I accepted that I had been displaced.
Later on you taught us all that Gertrude’s prize recipes could be carried to other generations- and incredibly, could even be improved upon.
Helene, you taught us all that being the quintessential wife, raising five magnificent children, extending your nucleus family to ‘clan’ status and caring for a house the size of North Fork ranch was something you would do in stride – and still have time to shop like there’s no tomorrow – IT’S YOUR PLEASURE! No problem. YOU ARE THE ORIGINAL BALABUSE!
But in the end dear Helene you taught us the meaning of strength and courage. You fought a hard and long fight, you never gave up. Your eternal hope made everyone around you feel better. And through it all, your love and genuine concern and interest for everyone (including the Yankees) shined thru. A lesson that will be your legacy.
Thank you for loving my wife Ruth and my family.
The world is so much better for you.
My woman of valor, Helene, it’s time now to rest. We will love you to the end of time.
Comments Off May 9, 2008
Update, Saturday April 26
Just wanted to write a quick note and correct my previous entry. The doctors had to take a second chest xray as they have not yet confirmed that mom has pneumonia. Should have the results later on today. We will keep our fingers crossed.
Comments Off April 26, 2008
Update, Friday April 25, 2008
Mom had a really nice birthday yesterday with visits from all her children and Aunt Carole and Uncle Warren. We bought her some pretty new pajamas which she sported for all the company. I was even able to find delicious kosher for passover cupcakes at Crumbs Bakery to which we sang Happy Birthday.
For the past day or so, Mom has been coughing. Today she got the results of her chest xray back and she tested positive for pneumonia. I’m going over to the hospital now and will get more information. We hope and pray that her blood counts are still high enough and will aid her in her fight. So many complications one right after the other. It doesn’t seem my poor wonderful mother can get a break. But we will keep positive and keep praying and encouraging her to keep battling on. Thank you for all the wonderful blog entries and emails that you’ve sent her way. I’ve been printing them out and putting them in envelopes so that each and every one if them was a separate birthday card for her. Keep them coming, we need all the support, prayers and love we can get!!
Comments Off April 25, 2008
UPDATE
Mom was not feeling so good over the past couple weeks since she has been out of the hospital. She complained often of belly aches. Yesterday she had a PET scan which showed that the cancer had returned in her liver. She is being admitted to the hospital at some point this afternoon for another round of VDTPACE chemo.
VDTPACE is an 11 day chemo cycle which consists of 96 hours of straight chemo followed by Velcade on days 7 and 11. Assuming no complications she will be in the hospital 5 days. Tomorrow is her birthday so she is a little sad about being in the hospital for it, as she spent last years’ birthday there too. Your cards and phone calls and messages on the blog will bring her lots of cheer so please keep them coming. You can contact her on dad’s cell phone at 908-902-8367 or send cards to my address at 353 East 72 Street, 12C, NYC 10021. Will keep you posted….
Comments Off April 23, 2008
Update Per Joel – Wednesday, March 26, 2008
After one week of therapy as an inpatient at the hospital rehab center, mom was discharged after 8 weeks on various floors and rooms at the hospital, having endured many trying weeks with more down than up days. She is too well known by the doctors and nursing staff! And of course, all love her for her spirit and spunk. Her labs improved and she sees her doctor next Monday so she has the next 5 days to relax without being awakened at 5am and being stuck and poked during the day. The doc will let us know what the plan is for further chemo and treatment. She will be staying at Caryn’s apartment until she feels strong enough to go to Fair Haven. On Monday she had a lovely visit from Cousin Susan which she always enjoys. Always observant, on an earlier visit Susan noted Helene was enjoying a Fage yogurt and she thoughtfully brought a few for Helene to enjoy. Cousins bonding, how nice.A custom brace is being made and will be ready in 2 weeks at which time she will start outpatient therapy at the hospital. Dad may try to get her home for a day here and there so she may enjoy the spring awakening of her trees and flowers with a return trip to the apartment the same day. The 17 steps to her bedroom at home may be too hard for her to negotiate at this stage. All in all, we have much to be thankful for.
Comments Off March 26, 2008
Update – Monday, March 17, 2008
We apologize for the delay in updates. Dad and I were out of commission last week. We both had a stomach virus and had to stay away from mom. Luckily she did not catch anything from us.
Cousins Tom and Sue kindly spent several hours with mom one day filling the void while dad and I were recuperating. Mom had a visit from her dear friends Peter and Hinda from Boston who helped fill her afternoon on Friday as they brightened her day. As Peter and Hinda left, mom’s brother Cliff, Ruth and niece Andrea visited filling out mom’s day Friday. Most evenings after work, my brothers were with mom. Over the weekend, my brothers and sister, as usual, were there for mom and dad. Sunday also brought visits from my aunt Rhoda and Uncle Shep. Dad has been sleeping in mom’s room as often as she will let him as she doesn’t like him sleeping on a cot.
Mom’s week was up and down but overall ended good with much improved blood counts. She started showing signs of cabin fever as she’s been bed-ridden for 6 straight weeks now. Physical therapy started using a knee brace to try getting her to stand. Good news is she was told she will be transferred to the Baker rehab unit which is in the hospital. Today is St. Pattys Day and hopefully the good cheer and fun enjoyed by many on this day will spill over and mom will have a good day and a great week.
Comments Off March 17, 2008
How to post comments on blog
In order to contribute comments to mom’s blog click on the “Warm Wishes” link under “Categories” on the right hand side of the blog. A page of all previously posted comments will appear and you must click the link “Add your own”. You will have to submit your name and email address in order to post on the site, enter your thoughts in the comment field and then click “Submit” to post your comments.
Comments Off March 11, 2008
Update – Tuesday, March 11, 2008
The last few days have been up and down. Intermittent stomach issues and erratic blood pressure have caused mom lots of frustration. Not to mention that dad has been out of commission with a stomach bug himself. He spent all day yesterday sleeping.
Yesterday mom was in a really good mood. Rhoda and her sister Ellen stopped by for a visit. We had a nice time chatting about girl stuff. Mom and I watched a really cute movie called The Ex and then played Boggle. She even spent a little time drawing in a sketchbook that I brought. Last night David and Kenny visited and when the left, mom and I watched American Dreamz (also a cute film but not as good as The Ex).
Today Lisa visited mom and cheered her up. Lisa and I played some karaoke cd’s and sang and danced around the room for mom. I’m assuming she enjoyed the performance, why wouldn’t she!
Comments Off March 11, 2008
Update – Saturday, March 8, 2008
I apologize for the lapse in the updates. The past few days have been so-so. Every day brings a new side effect or complication for Helene. Unfortunately, today’s challenge is nausea and diaharrea caused by the 24 hour antibiotics she has been receiving for the past 5 days. She’s had some additional rehab and occupational therapy over the past few days and her oncologist is encouraging her to get out of the bed to stand and use the commode when possible. As her left quadracept still very weak, she gets really nervous about leaving the bed. We are trying to encourage her to do this as to avoid bed sores and further atrophy. She will need to get stronger to endure another round of chemotherapy. Her white counts are still low and additional chemo will have to wait until they rise.
Despite the occassional blues, mom has been handling these obstacles in stride. She bounces back from each adversity with spirit, tenacity, resilliance and grace and has set an example for our entire family. We are all learned tremendously by witnessing mom’s courage and resolve. Keep the cards and positive thoughts coming our way. And if you’ve seen any great, happy movies lately, let us know!
Comments Off March 8, 2008
Update – Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Yesterday was a pretty rough day. Mom has developed an infection which created some panic for all of us – with fever and low blood pressure. Fortunately, she did not have to go to the ICU unit which the doctors thought might be necessary. She’s currently on antibiotics. She had a nice surprise visit yesterday from Horacio and Pat, friends that she’s made during her last stay in the hospital. Kenny, Philip and I kept mom and dad company last night while we watched American Idol. Mom’s new favorite is David Cook, the rocker who played the guitar. Due to mom’s little scare, she finally let dad sleep over at the hospital. She had a great night’s sleep. Today she is back to her normal, cheerful self. She’s still not ready to do rehab but we expect she will get some physical therapy in her room today.
Comments Off March 5, 2008
